Cancer Update

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 This was posted on the WoWs forum by me, on December 1st, adapted for this blog (today)         




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 Yes, its been a long time since I updated you on the cancer... read on why I'm doing it now. :Smile_unsure:

Its not like the cancer has been sleeping, it never sleeps. A lot has happened, from the bone cancer making me feel like many bones were on fire, to my finding out that the bone cancer is affecting muscle and fat on those bones, whats LEFT of the muscle and body fat that is, I lost 2 kilos in one day because of that wastage.

Worse, as far as I am concerned... is there is so little spare muscle and fat that my feet constantly feel cold... last night, I got NO SLEEP at all... so (works it out) I have been awake for well over 36 hours. The cold feet were such a distraction in keeping me awake even take far more sleeping tablets than I should have anyhow, they didn't work. THAT is how cold my feet were. The main problem here is that I share the bed with my wife, who, in typical Dutch fashion... thinks ONE duvet is enough to keep here warm... so this morning, I explained the problem to her and now she has one duvet for her half of the bed, and I have TWO (On top)... including a new bottom duvet... I'm hoping that with sleeping pills and a warmer bed... and being damned tired anyhow... I will sleep well tonight.

So why now.... a short time I was playing Co-Op and I was damned tired and all the red team were firing at me..... well.... I had a brain fart.... I saw a ship and next thing.... YOU HAVE RECEIVED A DISCIPLINARY WARNING..... two games... Thing is, I'm guilty of this heinous crime of firing on a team mate.... 2 games, pink.... a shame that I will wear with disgust because...well... I admit doing it....

The guy I fired on... was @Penedo007 from the EMAG clan.... I said sorry in game but not sure if his chat was even on. :Smile_sad:

So, now, its TWO of the four cancers causing problems for me... the bone cancer and the stomach cancer. I probably wont ever feel the lung cancer.... or the Lymph node cancer... well, not till they decide to kill me. I'm currently taking as much morphine as I can take, any more and I'll feel tired and sleepy all day.

The EUTHANASIA option is still on the table for early January... but it MIGHT get put off... the thing is, with cancer, you can feel GREAT one minute then 15 minutes later you feel like you cannot take anymore... that is constantly changing... from one to the other, every hour, every day, every week and every month.... in 24 hours, I can feel differently 96 times.... from great to bad to vomiting to no sleep to.... basically whatever it bloody well wants to do.... why? Because it can... and it screws with your mind, constantly... IT has the power... and its telling me who is in charge and there is nothing any doctor can do about it, Cancer is JUST pure evil.

I accepted the diagnosis of lung cancer back in November 2017... I was given 6 months to live then, but then they found out I had a genetic defect which could hold the cancer at arms length till my body built up a resistance to it, that was the case in January of this year, when, due to the Covid lock down, it wasn't picked up till it was way too late, 4 cancers... and they tried Chemo.... I wont bore you with the details, except, it nearly killed me outright so i told them, thanks but no thanks...

The doctor I have visits once a week (yes, I know... doctors DO still make house calls here in Holland) and more if needed. If I give her the word, I can be in a hospice within a few hours, with Euthanasia whenever I want after that... or, I can stay home and have Euthanasia...

I'm still playing WoWs ... mistakes and all.... no matter what color I am, but I might slow down for a few days and get some badly needed sleep.

THERE, you are all up to date now... I promised you regular updates and its done. Thanks for caring... no matter what, this is an awesome community....

BTW.... yes, my doctor is WAY beyond cute.... she is gorgeous in fact... and no... I won't give you her Email address... that is one secret I'll take to my grave... mainly to keep HER safe from you lot.  :Smile_izmena: But if I find a photo of her, I might post it.... or not... :Smile_trollface:

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